DEVOTION

R.I.P Tony and Melanie. I wrote this in my grief of losing two of my adopted children. They were so well matched I knew "Living Life Without Each Other Would Have Been A Struggle. "

Sitting alone on the cliff in Point Loma, watching the high tides crash against the seawall below, she thought of a day's beginning and its ending. With dawn breaking, seagulls screaming morning calls, she had nothing more to do. Her broken and twisted legs ached, and the day had no promise because she'd lost the one person who made life a song.

The day she met Tony was similar to today; hot, blistery, and dry for San Diego. Usually, the weather was breezy in the city situated on the ocean. She had driven along Mission Boulevard from her tiny room in a Lajolla family residence after interviewing for a job with the Department of the Navy and found herself on Nimitz heading south towards Sunset Cliffs. She ran smack into the dead-end near the large condominiums overlooking the sea and parked the MG. Climbing down the hill to the same ledge she was sitting on now, she'd marveled at the sun's brilliance and eventual disappearance into the blue of the Pacific. When she went back up the hill to her car, she heard a scuffling noise. Startled, she turned to see a heavy-set woman grinning at her. In a rather husky voice, the woman asked if she was aware of the danger of watching sunsets alone on a deserted cliff. Especially being a woman. She replied she wasn't afraid." My Master protects me. . and anyway, I'm so dark-complexioned, night hides me". Tony laughed heartily, eyes sparkling, then asked if she would like to join her at the Pacific Cafe for dinner. She accepted the invite, and the rest was history. That was their beginning.

For six years, the two of them shared life in a place they rented in Point Loma. Mishmashed among the middle and low-income folks in the primarily affluent beach community where million-dollar homes lined the streets overlooking the ocean blue was apartments and houses occupied by military personnel. Tony was one of them. She was an officer in the Navy, stationed at Coronado. She'd graduated from Howard University's Law School and was the only woman defense attorney in the Navy stationed in San Diego.

She was from Albuquerque, New Mexico. There were no oceans, cliffs, or openly gay African-American women in the sleepy southwestern town. Her voyage to California was in search of her identity. She was the only child of well-respected hard workers in their community. Her first affair with a woman stationed at the Air Force base was stressful because of the town's views on same-sex partnerships. When the woman went to Germany, she closed herself off from everyone and finally quit the job. She'd always been intimidated by the men. But then women scared her, too.....in a different way. She was self-conscious in their company when they spoke of the men they wanted to date or marry.

Before she met Tony, she thought her discomfort was because she spent too much time isolated as a youngster. Tony said it was the way many gay women felt. Since their meeting, she had been comfortable with her alternative lifestyle...., even though they were closeted because of Tony's military status. But they were thinking of coming out next month at Gay Pride. The Navy had gotten a lot of flak for their treatment and policies concerning lesbians and gay men. Together they decided to test the military's position when they announced their marriage at the annual family event held in September. They looked forward to the shock value of one of the Navy's finest officers living in a homosexual relationship..... . until four days ago.

After going to a friend's graduation ceremonies, the two had driven to Tijuana. They'd planned to stay overnight but forgot about the crowds of graduates flooding the border town. So after drinking too many shots of Tequila, they began the drive home. She'd driven because Tony misplaced her eyeglasses at a picnic at Balboa Park. Maneuvering the vehicle reasonably well, she crossed the border. Relaxed, thoughts of the feather bed. Suddenly, the impact of the Honda hitting something jarred her, and she screamed, pressing hard on the brake. But, it was too late to prevent the jerking, weaving car from spinning into the steel pole illuminating the freeway. She was thrown free just as the auto hit because her seat belt hadn't been secure. Tony wasn't. Her head was still in the glass windshield when the front end smashed against the steel, crushing her body between the front and back of the automobile.

Tears fell on her twisted limbs, bandaged to the knee. Day's light broke into a magnificent glow as sea creatures scurried from night caves. High flying gulls spread their wings, gliding towards the billows of white clouds high in the sky. She gazed at the screeching birds, going under and over and around the drifting pillows, and thought she saw Tony's smiling face. Shakily, she stood up and leaned, reaching towards the silhouette in the sky. Falling gracefully towards the water, she still did not know whether she preferred a day's beginning or a day's ending sunsets or sunrises. What she did know was she'd seen the last ones of her life.